The question I’m always asking is: does this story or character play into stereotypes and tropes that can be harmful to gay men?

Fiction that shows men loving men is so important to me personally because honest, loving, and authentic relationships were not something I saw in the stories I read growing up.

Gay men, and most LGBTQIA+ folks, were erased from fiction that was readily available in the libraries in my city.

Shame was forced on to gay men and their stories were seen as lesser or of unequal importance. Gay romance was seen as a secret or something to be embarrassed about.

What is important in writing and editing gay fiction is honesty.

And this is why it matters. For a young man growing up gay, if all the books you pick up don’t feature characters like you, then you start to internalise that there is something wrong with you.

You start to believe that you might be heterosexual and that the feelings and desires you have are somehow wrong and abnormal. This leads to more feelings of shame to add to the whispers and rumours that the newspapers and TV were spinning of gay relationships being tragic, sinful, and never of the same value as straight ones. These were all fictions, created to other and shame gay men for whatever political or narrow-minded reasons, but the outcome is the same.

I’ve worked with some amazing authors, who don’t shy away from telling the truth about gay relationships and men loving men. Of course, it’s not all perfection and rainbow flags, but just like the humans that we are, gay fiction allows men to see themselves on the page. On the page, where they are not dying because of drugs or AIDS, where they are not bumped off as an expendable asset, where they are not dishonestly moving through the story because they’ve married a woman because that was the only safe option for them at the time. These are important aspects of gay reality, but that’s not it.

Now, with some perspective, I can see these tragic stories tell me more about the society and the time period than they do about the characters themselves. If society has made your existence illegal, then of course, they might think marrying into a lavender marriage of convinience is the safest way not to lose their job or be shunned by society. If society didn’t dump so many feelings of shame onto gay men, then perhaps they wouldn’t seek drugs and alcohol in excessive amounts to numb the feelings or escape from the harshness of their reality. Those things all happened to gay men, many many men, but they are not the only story.

What happens when men tell their honest and authentic stories?
There is a ripple effect because each story challenges the narrative of the tragic, dishonest, diseased, and shamed gay man.

Stories that show gay men finding love in traditional ways, of settling down, or having children if that’s what they want. It also shows that gay men will never fit neatly into a heteronormative society because they challenge society’s very notion of what it means to be a man. But we need those stories to be honest, authentic, and filled with the reality of being a man who loves other men.

The strongest communities I’ve experienced, and I’m biased because I’m a gay man, are the gay spaces and author groups that champion M/M romance, fiction, and artistic pursuits. These are where gay men can be themselves, because they are amongst people who understand them, who have been through the same things, and who have hope.

These are the spaces that are champions of the gay male experience, in all its many shades, and I hope to be that same champion. Gay men can’t and won’t hide who they are, and my goal as a fiction coach for authors writing gay men in books, and a fiction editor of gay fiction, is to always support those authors and characters in bringing out the best in their characters. Because sometimes they are working through some personal issues, sometimes they are writing the relationships they could never have, and sometimes they are dreaming that everyday can be supportive as a day in the middle of June.

One day we’ll get there, and until then honest gay fiction is needed more than ever.

Image by Alessandro Alle from Pixabay